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Daniel Parkes shares his experiences of coming out.
Unfortunately, that didn鈥檛 go down well鈥ome members of my family thought I鈥檇 been hacked and one member of my family took it upon themselves, without asking me, (after accusing me of being someone else) to call every member of my family to tell them it was true. To this day, they maintain they were doing me some great favour. I was told my parents were super upset and I owed it to them to go speak to them now, to which I replied, 鈥淚 can鈥檛, I鈥檓 in the bath鈥�. Personally, I think I had my priorities in order 鈥� can鈥檛 beat a good soak! When I did come downstairs, clean and fresh and gayer than ever, it was to an angry and upset mom who was not, in her words, angry and upset that I was gay but angry and upset that I didn鈥檛 confide in her. This hurt quite a lot, because I was being made to feel bad for (1) them breaching my trust and (2) for not coming out in a way that prioritised them. Arguably better than my Dad, who, when I brought my boyfriend to his house, told me he鈥檇 told my younger sister he was my friend so as not to confuse her and instructed me to do the same, which I reluctantly did as I didn鈥檛 want to rock the boat.
These days, I鈥檓 super happy and comfortable in myself now, but as queer people, there鈥檙e聽a lot of expectations of us to behave in certain ways and when we don鈥檛, people don鈥檛 like it. These are our stories to tell and we should be able to do so as we see fit.
As for recommendations, see below:
- Tell someone/people close to you who you are sure will be supportive before you go ahead telling those who are at risk of being less so. It鈥檚 helpful to have a support network.
- It鈥檚 never 鈥榯oo late鈥� to come out 鈥� so don鈥檛 feel pressured to come out in one big bang. Do it at your own pace.
- Don鈥檛 feel bad if other people seem more comfortable being out than others. It鈥檚 important not to compare yourself to everyone else 鈥� everyone鈥檚 situation is different.
- Lastly, this is聽not necessarily for everyone, but (also specific to being gay as this has also helped me manage my Tourette鈥檚/my perception of it), 聽try to have fun with it. People will make jokes, people might be uncomfortable because they don鈥檛 know how to behave (but have good intentions). If you have fun with it, it can put you and others at ease. Also inspires a feeling of confidence, personally.